Sock prayer flags.....

While I'm catching up on posts...yes 3 in one night!....I thought I'd invite you to take a look at the fabulous website my sister made for my OddSocks Fringe Festival art installation/health promotion/charity project at http://art4health.freehostia.com/. The first phase of the project ended on Oct 8th. It was a great success and we were invited to do the installation 3 more times in various locations; in Geelong for Christmas, at CERES environmental park, and at the end of Oxfam Trailwalker. If you'd like to get involved, you can send your OddSocks and/or your sock stories to me at rnhawkins@students.latrobe.edu.au.

Sock stories you say? Who has stories about their socks? So many people think they don't have stories and then they start talking and realize they do! Some people have stories about why they keep their odd socks, others about where the lost socks go, some have stories about where their socks came from, or where they've been, or how long they've had them, or who else has worn them. There have been touching stories about people keeping socks from lost loved ones, stories about favorite or lucky (particularly sports) socks, some tell stories of socks as symbols of their relationship with another, some have only one left because they used the other to make something special, some have been around the world or were knitted by someone interesting. Whatever your story is, I'd like to hear it. At the end of all of this I am planning to compile a book of stories and photographs from the exhibit.

What is all of this for you ask? Firstly, I believe that participatory art has great benefit for public health in general (we engaged so many disengaged people with the installation; street kids, the homeless, the elderly, moms or dads with kids, etc and made connections between groups and between individuals), saw so many smiles, made so many people think...why are there clotheslines on the lawn in the center of the city?...is this saying something about individuality/diversity/racism/homelessness/the environment?), secondly, we are using the installation as an opportunity to raise awareness on foot health issues by giving information and advice on podiatry concerns, exercise, diabetes, etc. free pedometers too!, and thirdly we thought we'd also raise money for some worthy foot causes, a skills transfer program for Cambodians to learn to make protheses locally for victims of landmines, and for podiatry needs that are part of Oxfam Trailwalker (Oxfam's biggest fundraiser in Australia). Again check out the website for more info on all of this. I look forward to hearing from you!

Oh and here is a more recent pic of the growing belly. I'm huge! I've gained some 24 pounds/11 Kilos so far, and I'm only halfway there. Yikes. I think he's going to be a big boy. I've changed my diet the last couple of weeks in hopes of slowing the weight gain, want to make labor as easy as possible on both of us. Now we are eating more rabbit food, loads of raw veggies. The weather is getting warmer (you can see from the photo, last week it was wintery!!) so we are much more keen to eat lighter fare (and spend more time walking and such outside....hopefully it will be warm enough to swim soon). I've been having fun experimenting with the hand blender we got at a seconds warehouse....smoothies, humous, beetdip, lentil pate, white bean spread, sweet pea soup, cashew and roasted red pepper spread, salsa.....just wait until I get to make baby food!

Last friday we had our ultrasound and found out little "Pepin" is a boy as we suspected. We thought we were 20-21 weeks but turns out we were only 19. Baby is most likely coming a week later than we originally thought, now around March 10th. We are so happy that our little pepino seems to have all his bits and that they appear to be working properly. The tiny little fingers, toes, nose....so cute. Here is a photo of happy dad with the first baby photo.

Yesterday, at my second OB appointment, the doc put some jelly on my belly and rubbed around with a doppler and viola, I got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time! Wow. It's really a little person in there! In two more weeks we'll have the ultrasound so stayed tuned for that news!

Lots of Love to you all,

Renee, Paul and the little bub

Miraculous Conception?

With all the travel, stress, papers to write, family crises, etc. in June, I wasn't surprised that my body clock was a bit off and I was moody. Hormonal that is. Grumpy, bloated, tired, headachey, horny. My period seemed imminent for weeks and I hoped it would get a move-on and be done already. Paul kept smiling, saying, "but what if it doesn't come?." "It will, it will" I'd retort, smiling. But it didn't. On June 28th I took a home pregnancy test and it was negative. Proof then, I'm not. I was surprisingly sad. I never used to want to have kids, as I'd figured I'd be off running around the world saving those who were already here, focusing on the universe as my family. However, as I've aged I've thought more and more about having kids, fascinated by the bond between child and parent, wanting to give love to others, to create the big happy bubbling family I didn't have. At times the urge to procreate has been quite strong, and it has been moreso since I've been in a stable relationship, and happy, happiness makes me want to give more love and energy to others, but it's been in the realm of fantasy, and the reality of my situation, finances etc., usually tempers the urge and I realize I that I like the freedom I have now have. I mentioned to a mom friend how Paul and I will often have dinner by candlelight with a little jazz playing or that we like to pop out for a late dinner at the restaurants down the street on the spur of the moment and maybe do a little dancing. These things seemed luxurious to her, and I thought. Hmm. they are nice. Nevertheless, being around other happy families does make me a bit clucky. Paul's cousins live here in Melbourne, and spending time with the big close Italian family always makes us a bit more mushy.

My period still didn't show so on July 2nd I tried another home test, and this time it was positive. A week later a blood test confirmed I was 6 or 7 weeks along. I was (and am) very happy with the idea of becoming a mom. I suspect it will teach me how to love and give of myself on a whole new level, and I welcome the challenges it will bring, both as a parent and as a partner. Paul and I have only been together since October, so our union is new and even in these last months we've grown a great deal, out of necessity I suppose! I like to focus on what a gift this life is and what a gift it will be to have a little one in it. We'll see it as another one of our crazy adventures.

The first few weeks I was in an ecstatic hormonal bliss. I've never before felt so amazing despite nausea, headaches, fatigue, and constipation. My thoughts were pervaded by baby and I've never been so happy. I was so in love with life. Then things started to regulate a little, I still had the physical issues, but calmed down and could focus on other things in life as well, like school work. Now I'm entering my second trimester and feel loads better but now have to focus and work work work, since I need to both finish my thesis by March (thesis and baby are due about the same time) and create an income stream from home. Both are underway, but it will be a busy 6 or 7 months. Paul is similarly working away, poor guy is stressed having a daughter about to start college and baby on the way! He says he willed this to happen though. He knew I was preggo before I did, and says he thinks he knows the conception date, from just a 'feeling" so who knows maybe he is right.

Actually, according to the docs, conception is estimated to be 2 weeks after the first day of the last menstrual cycle. For me that day was the day I spent at Sravasti Abbey! I said, "that's impossible!" but I guess sperm can wait around a while for an egg to drop. Still, that was almost a week after I had last been with Paul and some 5 days or so until I''d see him again. Miraculous if true, and I'd think unlikely. However, the day after I went to the abbey, I went to my Chinese Doctor in Seattle who is so good he borders on being psychic. He asked me where I was in my cycle, and said he detected hormonal changes. When I said the middle, he said, "Maybe you're ovulating." Possibly I was, possibly I had just conceived. Since then he keeps insisting to my mom that I will have kids so I think maybe he knew. Whether it's accurate or not I like the idea that I conceived at the abbey while meditating or spending time with nuns. If I understand it correctly, Buddhist scripture says that the state of the mind of the parents at conception is what determines the kind of mind that is attracted to them, so the kind of mindset the child will have. Besides, it just seems like the best type of energy to be in during that creation moment. Good vibes.

So now I'm about 13 weeks along (they also count from the first day of the last period even though the baby wasn't conceived until two weeks later) and the babe has most of its bits now, just needs to grow grow grow. I think I'm showing but Paul says, "what belly?" "where?" "Mine is bigger than yours!" I have however gained 5 kilos (11 pounds) already, which is a bit excessive, so I am bigger, all around. My cravings have seemed to intensify, and they're mostly nostalgic. I crave foods I haven't eaten in 20 years, and think of people I haven't seen in 25. I had a dream the night before last that I was at campfire camp and people from my high school showed up. Last night it was some of my Tibetan friends along with some people I went to elementary school with. Luckily some of my cravings will go unfulfilled because they just don't exist in Australia. I normally eat whole foods, as much organic as I can (when I can afford it) and am pretty healthy, skipping processed and packaged foods, but yesterday I really wanted Kraft Mac and Cheese. Good thing the supermarket didn't have it. I was also craving chicken pot pies like I used to get with my grandparents at Claire's Pantry, in Lake City or like Swansons makes frozen. Although the meat pie is an actual food group here, they are quite different, and mostly just beef, so I resorted to making my own. Not as good, but a lot easier to make than I thought. Chicken, peas, carrots, potato, flour, butter, milk (rice milk for me), vegetable stock, cooked and popped in a pie crust and baked. At first I was obsessed with oranges, ate tons of them, and lots of salads, tomatoes, red peppers, cranberry juice (needed vit c maybe?) hmmm and chocolate, and fresh breads, even tried to make chocolate chip cookies but the cookie sheet I bought didn't fit in the oven so we had cookie slices made in a loaf pan, not so good. So, at first they were a little more healthy but now these cravings are for strange things. Like canned pears, Malaysian noodles, sweet and sour tofu, bologna sandwiches, chocolate covered licorice, lentils on pasta, savoury muffins, ice cream...most of these pass before I indulge but I even made beef stroganoff recently, and the other night made quacamole, pico de gallo, and chicken with roasted red peppers and onions, what I could do for a Mexican meal on the fly. Perhaps all of this is just a mighty distraction from my work, because it does keep me busy! I've also been soooo thirsty. Can never drink enough.

Anyway, I'll now get back to my work, but will write more about my strange urges, belly growth and the like as it progresses. Next week I have my first meeting with the obstetrician and midwifes so may have more scoop then. Until then, be well and happy.

Love,

Renee

Trip 4 part IV - More material for a Lynch film

As we headed south from Orange we somehow missed a turnoff and didn't realize we did so until we'd gone 110 K due West instead of South. Oops! There were two options, to return the way we came, losing a couple of hours, or to continue on and head south from the next town. We decided to do the latter. The sun was setting and cast an eerie shadow over the deserted land. We drove another 110 K and saw only one homestead. It was just a huge flat expanse of nothing, except some farm lands, but there wasn't anyone living on the land to farm it. It felt odd. Eventually we saw a service station and were relieved to stop. I made my way into the bathroom and as I opened the door came face to face with a young woman with a baby. She seemed relieved when she saw me. "She didn't nurse well and has been screaming for 45 minutes" she explained. The kid looked calm to me. She then asked if I'd watch the baby while she went to the toilet. Of course I agreed. I let the little one wrap her fingers around mine and peered into her eyes, thinking how odd connections are. I mean, here I was in the middle of nowhere with a stranger's child who I'll never see again but we had that moment. As soon as I had that thought she started crying again. Soon enough the mother returned and left the bathroom. After I'd taken my turn I walked up to the counter in time to witness and odd exchange. One woman behind the counter spoke loudly to a friend on the phone as another worker used the cash register to ring up customers. A rather long queue was growing as she tallied bills slowly. When I appeared from the bathroom Paul was at the counter, in front of the line. He paid for our gas and commented "in that last stretch there was only one house for 110 K, is the rest of the way through as deserted?" She stared at him blankly as if he were speaking a different language. An elderly gentlemen toward the end of the line spoke up. "Just watch out for the kangaroos" he said in a slow deep voice. Kangaroos? I thought. I guess they run into the headlights of oncoming cars, but I had visions of this being foreshadowing of killer kangaroos in our wacky David Lynch like real-life film. We jumped in our car and continued driving through the darkness until we made it home some hours later. Just as we rounded the corner down Acland Street, the main drag near our house, a drunk twenty something agrily kicked our car as he crossed the street. Paul stopped the car, jumped out and confronted him. I was terrified, I've never seen Paul get aggressive before, so should have trusted him but this was weird and I was tired. Luckily the police were right there and witnessed the incident. They took the kid to jail for public drunkeness so he could cool off and arranged for us to get remuneration for the damage to our car. Again I sat there thinking, "how did I get here?" One moment I'm in the middle of nowhere without a person in site and the next I'm dealing with aggression, police, property damage and drunk people. It was an odd night. But Phew, we made it home.

Trip 4 part III - Rocky's Royal 50th

I was pleasantly surprised that the country folk know how to put on a good party. The theme was "Royal" so everyone dressed up in costume. There was the King of Rock n Roll (Elvis), Dame Edna, Prince Charles, and Princess Diana, Gypsy Kings, a corgy, a guy in a british flag, The King of Scotland, Indian princesses, and a variety of other Kings, Queens and Royals. Paul and I decided to be a Royal Flush and pinned cards to our outfits. We mingled with friends and family, ate lasagne and then the real party started. Rocky and his wife and kids and friends are all musicians so we had great entertainment all night. The best was when Paul decided to play drums. Back in the 80s he was in a successful band called JFK and the Cuban Crisis, but gave it up to pursue other interests. He said it had been years since he played but he had a big grin on his face most of the time so must have loved it. He played so hard his hands were bruised the next day and he bent his ring. It reminded me of my younger days too, following bands and band guys around. :) An old friend he hadn't seen in 25 years was agast. She stood beside me snapping her camera saying how this brought back so many memories. She told me how she and Paul were in the city band together and that's how she met this crowd. She also talked about how drop dead gorgeous he was as a younger man. "So I've heard" I replied. "Still has that great bone structure" she said as she wandered off.

The music was great, a bit of jazzy bluesy work, and some classic songs. We had a great time. When we left the party we had to de-ice the windows it was so chilly outside. Again we cuddled up in our freezing cold motel room and slept poorly. In the morning we had a giant breakfast with Paul's father, his wife and her kids and grandkids. Eggs, massive amounts of bacon, tomatoes, croissants, bread, cakes, several juices, pineapple, grapes, bananas, coffee, I am sure I'm missing other things too. Lou kindly gave us a deck of cards from Trieste, the Northern Italian city he hails from and sent us on our way with full bellies. We stopped by his brother's house, Paul's Uncle Mario on the way out of town. I really enjoyed his English wife. They too fed us cakes and tea and coffee. We finally rolled out of Orange just before midday.

Groupies

I'll interupt my travel stories to introduce you to some fun music. Paul shares an office with Leila who is involved with band promotion in her off hours. She hosts monthly "Live in the Living Room" acoustic concerts in her flat, invites 30-40 people and charges a small entry fee that's given to charity. So tonight Paul and I joined her for the 5th concert to promote up and coming bands. First of all the apartment was absolutely amazing, I'm guessing it's probably worth 3 million. A funny place to rub shoulders with skinny messy haired kids. The first band, 17th Whole, looked like something out of Dawson's Creek. A cute blonde messy-haired boy sang sugary pop songs with a nice but timid voice while inexperienced band members supported him. The second band, Tokenview, had a much broader sound, and obviously more experience. They were two blonde messy-haired twenty-somethings who interchangeably played guitar, piano, and sang, accompanied by a bassist and a kid brother on drums. They rocked a bit more, had more confidence. The third band, The Basics, were really great. They came in wearing suits, looking like the Beatles and had a similar kind of sound. They are not only obviously talented but they showed that when there is synergy, and you're doing what you love and well, you have a lot of fun. They seemed to be having a great time, which engaged the audience. They had good senses of humor, and although all three had great talent, Wally had such incredible projection and a sort of bluesy quality to his voice that I just didn't want him to stop singing! Kris also sang a soulful song that reminded me of Johnny Cash (but Kris can sing ;)). Anyway, they are great live, so if you have the chance, see them on their world tour or check them out on myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/the3basics

also:

http://www.myspace.com/tokenview
http://www.myspace.com/17thwhole
http://www.liveinthelivingroom.com.au/701.html?*session*id*key*=*session*id*val*

Trip Four - Part II - Family Introductions

By the time we rolled into Orange it was almost noon and the weather was gorgeous. There was still a chill in the air but the sunshine warmed us as we sipped tea outside at a cute cafe across from Paul's old office. As we walked back to the car we passed a men's clothing shop and peered in. The owner was glad to see us, "Hi Paul, how are you?" That small town familiarity made me smile. We then wandered further down the street to the local outdoor store where we purchased a gift for Paul's brother's birthday. Next on the agenda was finding a place to stay for the night. There was a rugby union event in town that weekend so hotel rooms were hard to come by. We tried at the golf club but the attendent, a young man with a funky style, gorgeous curls and a significant space between his front teeth informed us that they were indeed full, so we took a room at the motel just off the main drag. It was quite empty except for a handful trucks left for the day by migrant mine workers. The room was small and cold but just what we needed for the night. After getting settled we headed over to Paul's mum's nursing home. She is a lovely sweet lady and was so happy to see her son, although her Alzheimers made the visit awkward at times. "You're all grown up!" she said a couple of times and at one point she got talking about a donkey or some such thing. It was hard for Paul to see her in that state, supposedly she has deteriorated a lot in the last year, and it was likewise hard for her to let us go. She must be somewhat lonely even though family members seem to visit her often. It was so wonderful to watch as she and Paul joked together, now I know where he gets his sense of humor! On the way back we grabbed a bite to eat at the local RSL club. The woman behind the counter asked Paul how is mother is doing. He said he didn't know her, must have recognized his name, but I suspect many more people in Orange know of Paul than he of them. I was often reminded of his former heartthrob status in his younger years. After a quick nap we got dressed up for the party and stopped by Paul's father's house on the way. The house was a feast for the eyes. Every inch of every wall was covered with art, masks, clocks, and various nicknacks. He is a collector of many things, and has redone every window in stained glass. I now understand why Paul is such a minimalist in terms of decor!! His father's health has also declined a lot in the last year, and he seemed eager to reach out to Paul. Perhaps because he's had a falling out with his other son. He even gave him a family heirloom, some kind of certificate his grandfather had won playing cards. Lou and his wife Joan offered us gorgonzola, ham, crackers, olives, and drinks but we took just enough not to offend and agreed to return for breakfast in the morning as we headed out to the party.